The most romantic scene in the history of movies…
On Golden Pond
Henry Fonda, Katharine Hepburn
Love never fades.
Ball of Fire
Gary Cooper Barbara Stanwyck
Never underestimate the power of sunlight in your hair…
William Hurt, Kathleen Turner
Sometimes wind chimes and hot, Pine Haven air are too much to walk away from…
“Somewhere beyond the sea
He’s there watching for me
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to his arms I’d go sailing….”
It’s almost here again, Valentine’s Day. How are you doing? Yes, you. I am not writing this post to the married ladies or the girls with great boyfriends. This is for the rest of us. It’s been quite a year for me. As the author of a book on love and sex and self confidence after breast cancer I really put all my theories to the test this year. I can report that I still believe in us and all we have to look forward to, but I am not, under any circumstances, diminishing what we have been through.
I had a complex, on again mostly off again relationship end and I found out that it was over when a mutual friend told me about the new “girl” in the fellow’s life. Apparently she has all of her original parts, but that doesn’t deter me. If she wants him, she can have him and I wish them only the best. I learned early on into the relationship that I couldn’t trust him with my heart. Readers of Intimacy After Breast Cancer, you will understand when I tell you he could not appreciate (or see!) my Pilgrim Soul and, as you know, that is a deal breaker.
If you are alone this February, reading the posts of your attached friends gushing about their Valentine’s Day plans, don’t lose heart on “heart day.” Look closely at who they are celebrating. Is it an old boyfriend? He is an “old” boyfriend for a reason, right? Is he a great husband who has been there for her? Then celebrate him, because there are few of them out there. When they are found they are rare, precious jewels and you should be happy for your friend who is lucky enough to find him.
And then, think of yourself. Don’t you want that for you? It’s okay to be a hold out. If it means waiting for someone who will love you for who you are, who will be there for you, who thinks of you and thinks of the two of you before he thinks of himself, then you have got it all.
You know what? He is out there. I know you don’t believe it. I know you feel you should just cash it all in and get 30 cats. Don’t! He is there. Somewhere. Wondering where YOU are. But he isn’t going to come knocking on your door. So get out, be seen, be a part of life. You may just run into him. Until then, don’t stay home watching Dance Moms. Be with your fabulous women friends. They are worth their weight in gold.
Watch the Super Bowl with friends – just leave by nine so you don’t miss Downton Abbey… but get out there!
Remember, dear sisters, you didn’t fight so hard to survive to be alone and sad. You are a magnificent warrior princess. Everyone knows that. It is time you did too!
In the meantime, spend time at the gym. Get into the best shape you’ve ever been in, while fighting rogue cancer cells at the same time. Get a new look. Buy some new clothes you feel good in. Take care of your skin. Basically, be the best you can be for YOURSELF. Then, if someone worthy appreciates it, then straight to his arms go sailing.
I used to dread this time of year when all the back to school ads started on TV. It meant that summer was almost over and it was time to go back. No more swimming. No more bike riding until the street lamps came on. No more magical twilit evenings where an adolescent girl’s imagination ran wild.
But when the day actually approached, things got serious. That is after the first ten years of school. From kindergarten through ninth grade we all wore the same uniform at Buckley Country Day School. There were really no big decisions on fashion choices except for what color knee socks we could wear: Blue or dark blue.
But then high school came and the uniform was gone. We had to wear skirts or dresses, never pants unless it was 40 below zero and then they bent the rules. I remember my biggest dilemma: My hair. I was a curly haired curl in a school stocked with straight haired blondes. I also was a curvy girl in a land of not so curvy bodies on most of the girls in my class.
My first day of high school was terrifying. I was starting at a new school after ten glorious years at one place, in one building that was once a house, and we all grew up together. This high school was new territory. I tried to tame my hair. There was no Frizz Ease back then. There were no flat irons either. I tried to dress down the curves, but wound up looking dowdy. That still happens today. I will wear “baggy” clothes and people think I weigh 300 pounds and then when they see me in a body conscious outfit they all ask, “Wow! Have you lost weight?” No. I just sometimes like to cover up.
My best friend from my early childhood was Elena. She looked like the cover of Seventeen Magazine. Blonde, straight hair, beautiful blue eyes and Brooke Shield’s eyebrows. We were inseparable from kindergarten through seventh grade. We were so self conscious when we started to, as my mother would say, “develop,” that we spent two years walking around with our arms crossed around our chests.
Years later, in high school, after those first couple of years, I finally decided to be myself. I came to class in clothes that hugged the curves, didn’t even attempt to straighten my hair, and wore what I wanted to wear. I remember a gym teacher came up to me one day and pulled the sleeves of my shirt higher on my shoulders and said “Where do you think you are? The Riviera?? This is Locust Valley!”
I still live in the Locust Valley area, but I dress the way I want. I will never have a boyish figure. Even after having both breasts removed, I had my new breasts reconstructed to be the same size as the old ones. I like my curves. I also like the fact that when I don’t slather on the curl tamer, I can jump out of the shower and have a full head of curls that look pretty darn good.
If I had a daughter, and we were planning her “first day of school” outfit, I would tell her about my past and then tell her to wear whatever she feels the most comfortable in and to be herself. Confidence is so very attractive. When you are happy with yourself, you are happy in life. And as Audrey Hepburn used to say, “Happy girls are the prettiest.”